Feeling Hurt

Assalamualaikum..

Its nothing on my mind right now..Perasaan pulak,..bercampur baur...rasa mcm nak gelak, then nak menangis,..at the end, senyum..yess..exactly that..aku hanya mampu senyum..
 Actually,..aku tak sangka dia akan sanggup buat aku sampai mcm tu skali,..you know what,..his tweet...arhh.I really dont wanna talk about this..perhaps some time..
..selama ni aku tutup sebelah mata je dgn apa yang dia buat,..I speak to my heart..percaya jelah,..tak payah dok serabut otak pikir,..at the end,...tragedy

Deal with it!

Assalamualaikum..

*books books and books..*

What a day,.."hari-hari hadap buku boleh jadi gila. Bosan lah,..haihh bilalah nak habis belajar." Tulah manusia,..tak pernah nak bersyukur,. bila ada peluang nak belajar, kita merungut,..bila peluang tu dah takde baru lah menyesal bagai,..masa tu tak guna apa dah..bak kata orang tua-tua,. nasi dah jadi bubur..so sementara peluang untuk menuntut ilmu tu ade terhidang depan mata, better appreciate it..

Act stress belajar tu semua orang rasa. me either. Lagi-lagi SPM is just around the corner..banyak bab nak kene focus n catch up. haa..tu lah sape suruh join aktiviti y yang kene banyak skipped class?? kan dah padah..nasib lah ade kawan-kawan yang sudi membantu..n him..hehe...* ape gunanya kawan ye tak?? hahah..

so I think, I've make up my mind...lepas ni nak gives fully attention to the class...taknak dah dapat markah teruk macam last mid-year exam dulu..You know what, 2 failed..*(addmath and chemistry)..ish ish ish..teruk kan?..Ini ke calon pelajar cemerlang SPM 2013?..

exactly NO!

Im Not Feeling Well..

Assalamualaikum..

fever?.ouchh

Seriously I hate fever..satu badan sakit..y kali ni punya demam lagilah..sampai 2 kali kene pergi checkup..ambil darah semua..haihhh..penat, letih..sakit..hurmmm

And yang paling sakit is,....I miss my hubbie...urrmmmm

Bila dah mcam nie, nak gerak mana-mana pun susah..so susah nak cari topup..then x dpt lah text or call-ing dengan dia...tu y double-triple rindu jadinya tuh..haihh...

*Damn!* I miss you a lot Hubbie!!!

Its the DAY!

Assalamualaikum..

 

4

Sayang!..esok 4 hb..awak ingat tak hari apa? saya harap awak tak lupa..

erm..before that, saya nak tanya..susah ke nak type a message?

kalau tak, kenapa awak tak text saya pun?..im waiting for it dear.

Atau, awak dah tak ingat saya dah?..saya ni membebankan bagi awak yeh?

yelah..dah la awak tengah banyak masalah, lagi nak tambah lagi dgn masalah dgn saya.

mesti awak annoyed kan? sebab tu awak malas nak ingat saya lagi..

hurm..

No text.No call.No conversation.

Im waiting..waiting for you to call me..or text me maybe..come on..its our special day, why cant i asked for that..its not that too hard..im not asking you to jump into a burning lake or what..simple..just a few word..Hi, maybe..or give me a direct call..uhmm..up to you lah dear..im not gonna forced you.. have fun :)

Its Not What I Dream About. Its about us.

With love,

BELLA 

Thank you :)

Assalamualaikum..

 

 Alhamdulillah,..masalah dengan Ridza dah selesai..Semua atas jasa kawan-kawan yang tak putus-putus bagi nasihat suruh aku fikir rasional..For Iqa,,I owe you..thanks darl..sebab jadi orang tengah n sudi bagi pendapat awak untuk tolong bell dalam masalah ni..Seriously I dont know what to do..yang bell tau cuma marah, kecewa dan sedih..tapi atas nasihat awak..Forgive and Forget..all these mess finally over..lega..

Tapikan awak..ada sorang lagi yang dah tolong guide saya..its Adan..even dalam hal ni..dia tolong bell jugak..

Die cakap."dulu awak bagitau saya, awak pilih dia..awak nak bagi die second chance sebab awak yakin yang dalam hati awak cuma ada dia..awak yakin yang awak akan bahagia dengan dia. Saya terima tu..sebab itu dah pilihan awak..masa awak cakap tu..suara awak confident sangat..saya tau yang awak memang dah tekad..tapi takkan hanya kerana hal macam ni, awak dah mengalah?..kalau betul awak sayangkan dia,..awak takkan senang-senang lepaskan dia. Think about it awak..He might be the best for you..dont waste him..He can take care you for more than 2 years..so, why cant he now.?,..jangan diikutkan sangat rasa marah tu..kadang-kadang..apa yang awak fikir tu tak sama dengan apa yang berlaku..Let him speak.."

"Awak apa yang saya cuba nak tekankan dekat sini, awak jangan buat keputusan melulu..Ingatlah balik waktu-waktu awak dengan dia..Ok lah awak,..saya taknak ganggu girlfriend orang lama-lama..huhuhu..Assalamualaikum"

Dia lama tak contact aku..ni pun through fb je kitorang chat..entah macam mana aku boleh terCeruta masalah aku kat dia pun entahlaa..terlepas kut..yelaah time die tegur tu mmg tgh sedih..anyway..thanks sangat-sangat..and for you,..gf you tgh merajukkan?..dah..gi pujuk lekas..biasalah tu,..nak manja-manja dengan awak lah tu..hahah..i wish awak kekal dengan dia..she seems nice..jaga die leklok yeh! babaiii!!

 Thanks for da advice!Appreciate it much :)

I failed!

Assalamualaikum...

Awak,..kenapa awak buat macam ni dekat saya?..why?..i dont mind kalau awak terus terang..saya terima kalau awak cakap awak dah taknak saya..even it takes time for me to heale it..but..awak tak buat tu..awak fall in love dengan someone else..someone y buat awak how to explain/..erm BAHAGIA!..
Seriously sedih gila tau tak!!!!..even now..my tears keep running out..fast..sampai hati awak..

saya sayang awak..sumpah saya cakap..I love you So much..only you..tapi awak..
Awak..you're too drastic..awak tukar profile name..background..and...bio..bio twitter awak dah takde nama saya!..kenapa?..takut perempuan tu tau y awak dah ade girlfriend?.. is it?..

saya x marah awak nak berkawan dengan sapa..saya tak pernah halang..apalagi nak kongkong awak..tapi ini balasan awak dekat saya..samalah dengan case sebelum ni kan?..awak cakap cuma kawan..tapi the fact is..urgh..ingat saya tak tahu ke?..even saye x tweet..but i was there..stalk, read,weeps, and judging..
saya tak cakap..saya tak bagitau..saya diamkan aje..saye cuba tanya awak..tapi awak jawab lain..saya perasan dulu bila saya tgh cakap dgn awak and that time kawan awak, syafikah n ezaleen datang..muka awak merah sangat..awak cuba sedaya upaya awak nak hide from them,..n masa tu hanya Allah je y tahu y saya menangis..tapi saya diam..saya taknak cakap apa-apa pun pasal benda tu bila depan awak..sebab saya fikir..why i need to sacrifices my precious time dengan awak untuk argue pasal tu..?..
Even saya tahu sebabnya awak mengelak ..awak takut najlaa tahu?..yaa..you bio..kecik n NF stand for her..and same goes to her..NFRR..cute name..is it?

Dahla..what past is passed..i dont wanna talk about that..just dont..Now, you came back with another fairy-love-story.. now what?..miss-ing her so badly..wanted to meet her again..feels like going back there..thats called LOVE!..see,..you just fallen in love..YOU FALL IN>>LOVE!..OMG!..should I happy for you????should I pray for your happiness?..should I congratulated you?..just..Should I??? im asking you....Should I???

Babe, I love you....bukan saya taknak jawab call awak..cuma sekarang..I CANT THINK rationally....I cant..

With love,

Bella 

smile yah! :)

Assalamualaikum..

 

hi there! smile like laughing baby.. :)

Dear Awak,

SMILE! saya suka tengok awak senyum..Tapi sebenarnya bukan senyuman awak, tapi hati..saya suka bila awak happy..smile can be fake..but happy isnt fake..Bila awak happy, inshaallah i'll feel the same too..

Saya tau awak tengah stress..sebab tu awak moody kan?..awak jadi more sensitive than usual..saya tak tau nak buat apa..tapi, at the same time saya tak nak tengok awak camtu..

Last night, awak marah-marah saya..just because saye x text awak tapi online..seriously at first saye geram jugak bile tetibe awak marah-marah macam tu..tapi bila saya pikir-pikir balik..biarlah saya mengalah..kalau itu boleh buat awak puas hati..supaya stress awak tu kurang..i dont mind if you nak lepaskan dekat saya..saya faham :) orang stress memang macam tu..so, if i can help why not?? 

Tapi..awak tolak..awak cakap,'saya takkan lepas semua benda dekat awak sebab saya taknak tengok awak menderita.Thats why im still love you'..but for me,.. it isnt..saya lagi suka kalau itu boleh buat awak senyum.

I LOVE you BiE..You meant so much to me..♥

Hurmm..I cant believe that we're fight for those a silly things.??Just pasal tu,..awak cakap saya benci awak?..is not true dear..it isnt..at all..tak terlintas dekat hati saya nak benci awak..tapi awak rase macam tu..entahlaa..saye dah taktau nak cakap apa..awak buatlah apa awak rasa betul. saya ikut je..I dont have right to argue..well, who am I to involved in your life?..I realize that im just stop by to love you..itu yang awak rasa kan?..n bila saya bagitau awak yang awak not only my boyfriend but my crush too..awak macam tak suka..why?..it is because awak didnt feel the same?..it is because your crush is someone else? is it?..its okay..i dont mind..like what i said, i just given permission to love and care about you..not  more than that..if only you could understand what im trying to say...it would be pleasure..sebab as long saya sayang awak..and saya tau awak pun sama..tu dah cukup untuk saya senyum sorang-sorang every night..:)

THANKS FOR LET ME IN into your HEART..DEAR

Like is always like that :)

Assalamualaikum..

LIFE IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT..

Struggle, hard work and so on just to be on the TOP..Why Top?..Whats important of being on top?..Some people might do anything just to make sure that he is the top one..by hook or by crook, he will make for it..Its a fame of being on Top..

FAME; PROUD; till now, I still dont get it why people kill just to get fame nor proud.sometimes, they're hankering to get famous.For me. those type of fame is not last long..one day, people with that will lose everything.Including his family.

I've prepared a true story about people that kill to get fame..as a proof to prove me right. :)

 

 George Zimmerman

He is the racist murderer who shot an unarmed black teen after calling him a f*cking coon. It was George Zimmerman who said that he had “no regrets” and that his killing of Trayvon Martin must have been “God’s Plan.”  At the time it was not clear why God would have wanted Trayvon Martin d

It is unclear why Zimmerman thinks people would want his “autograph.” Possible reasons might include:
 1.       Zimmerman may get the death penalty, and if he were dead, his signature might be worth a lot more.
2. Somebody might want to hire a handwriting expert to determine if Zimmerman’s handwriting reveals the extent of his pathology.
3. It may not be the autograph at all that the person wants, but instead they may be looking for Zimmerman’s return address.
4. The judge wants to see if Zimmerman discloses the $10.00 that the judge gave him as a test to see if he has fully disclosed all the money that has been given to him.
It is outrageous that Zimmerman, and anyone sending him money, views him as a celebrity, or a friend. Even if Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin in self-defense, the fact that he would hold himself out as a celebrity because he is the man who killed an innocent black teenager is offensive! It is outrageous!  George Zimmerman is a pathetic excuse for a human being.  Next he will be offering package gifts that include an autographed white hood, sheet, and silver bullet. Whether Zimmerman was justified or not in killing Trayvon Martin, he should be prevented from profiting from the death of Trayvon Martin. The mere fact that Zimmerman is offering his “autograph” for sale demonstrates a total lack of remorse, and a willingness to profit from the killing. We previously suspected that Zimmerman had no moral compass, but now we are sure that if he has one, it is broken.

ead. Now it is clear that it was God’s plan that George Zimmerman needed a way to raise money, so killing Trayvon Martin was a sure-fire winner. Anybody who gives the murderer money will now get an “autographed” “thank you card” from “your friend George.”  What changes an ordinary signature to an autograph? It is the celebrity status of the person giving the “autograph.” If George Zimmerman is famous, his claim to fame is killing a human being.What changes an unknown stranger to somebody’s “friend”?  The answer in this case is killing a human being.

Err..Its kinda scary !!

Its complicated!

Assalamualaikum..

my hockey team batch 2012

HOCKEY! my loves forever..I loves playing hockey since in primary school..even I never skipped the training..hurm..till now, its still apart of me..just,..

Its hard to explain..but..i think, i should stop playing this sport..eventhough i loves the game.

Im the striker, Im the senior, Coach always lay his trust on me, he always praise me of my talent, my skill..

Sometimes, my teammates got jealous of what he's doing..They feel likes they've been ignored by him, but i dont think so..Usually, when training session, i dont talk much, i dont even bother about their jokes or what..i dont care..all i do are concentrated of what couch taught..do what he ask we all to do..straight..not playing around like them.. Even, im not burst a laugh whenever they made a jokes,..cause..i dont take part..its just me, couch and the stick..

They respect me..they threat me well..same like i do..owh yes..i do like them..they're nice, skillful player..they're my team..it just, i cant be apart of them..i feel it.Seems like they too respect me..and i dont like it..well..im not a good player as i know, and everybody know..but they threat me like i am..tough..      

well..i miss my old team..when we can be ourselves..when we loves to share our skill n strategy..

when we have joy break after the training..teh tarik and so on..I miss it..that what im looking for.!

Owh yes! you need to respect the elder..but come on! we're in team..we are just same..

same aged even we're not, same in all things..in that way, we can feel the family attraction..

its much helping in the match..

Dears team,

              I dont know whether im playing this season..yea..Its my last chances..my last year..i know it..i know it very well..just, give a time to think about it..I promise you the best..I will

And..and..and..I think..Azilah would be better to be a captain..not me..im tortoise player..uhuh!

Not fit at all..

A time to decide

 

 

Dalam lipatan kenangan...

Assalamualaikum..
 Today, My lovely uncle has uploded severe of classic picture of mine into his facebook..i've never seen  some of the picture that he uploded before..im eager to share the photo to my blog..so, there are..

Im wearing a blue gown and standing at the left 

I've no idea where this picture have been taken..Im crying??hahah

Greysand, PDRM chalet, Port Dickson
*from left: Fariz , Kaklong, Alif,Jieha and me*
 
 me in white shirt at the back..birthday kaklong, Ji'a and Siti.2 December

with arwah opah

hey there! Im 1 year old..

with kaklong..red sock ahah!

Time ni dah besar dah..darjah 5 UM sks 20

again with kaklong

Miss arwah atuk..ehem ehemmm..im in blue gown ..while my sister'kaklong' in sunflower gown

hahah..dari dulu geng dengan sepupu lelaki.. yang belah kanan tu azam..while yang kiri angah ejan..sebelah kaklong tu tak tau sape..yang atas riba, ji'a..comel je die time baby..

Seriously I miss those moments..laugh,tears and so on..lots of thing we have through together..and our secret that we kept..Its still a secret..Wuuu..what a long time huh?..LOL!

Psst!..whats secret?..ahah! Cant tell you..

Is that for me????

Assalamualaikum..

Diary 2013

hurm..sampai hari ni saya tertanya-tanya, awak buat status tu untuk saye ker?..kenape awak tak mention je terus..Awak, saya tak kisahla kalau awak nak berterus terang dengan saya..Maybe dengan cara tu saya dapat perbaiki lagi perangai saya..Saya tau..setengah orang x suka saya atas banyak sebab.. termasuklah awak kan? yang saya dah anggap macam kawan baik saya..yelah..kita jumpa hari-hari..bukan sehari dua..dah setahun tau ..so, if awak ade ape-ape tak puas hati dengan saya, baik awak cakap..saya tak nak awak simpan je rase "annoying " awak tu dekat saya dalam hati..speak it out dear..I dont mind..I always accept the truth..

cause, it might your heart hurt..and i dont want you to..

DEAR Awak,
                       Awak pernah tulis status cakap "perangai awak macam BITCH"..siap capslock lagi..awak tujukan tu dekap sape?..I really need to know it..sebab saye terase kut..Awak cakap "kat belakang talk bads about me to others.."..if betul tu merujuk kepada saya..ada explanation di sini..saye x pernah cakap buruk pasal awak dekat sesiape..IM READY TO SWEAR..kalau ade orang sampaikan dekat awak macam tu..better awak selidik balik sahih ke tak..coz ye lah..siape lagi rapat dengan awak?..takkan awak x percaya dekat saya kut..??

 

kepercayaan lahir dari hati, so terpulang pada awak..saya tak de daya nak paksa..

Saya sedar ni pun baru beberapa hari lepas, sebab saya rasa awak dah lain bila dengan saya..Awak dah tak macam dulu..sumpah..lain sangat..kadang-kadang saya rase macam awak terpaksa je layan saya, so on saya sekarang dah malas nak sembang sangat dengan awak..coz saya x nak awak meluat..saya..sayang awak..awak kawan saya..saya tak kan buat awak sakit hati kecualilah kalau ianya gurauan..

Awak, saya nak minta maaf dekat awak incase ade buat awak sakit hati or ape2 yang salah..Saya taknak awak anggap saya bukan-bukan..Cuma satu saya nak bagitau,..tell me whats wrong..damly i need those answer..

sedih bila jadi macam ni..hurm